we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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