Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
