Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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