Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
