the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
