don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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