I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
