She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So vagazzling was a success
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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