Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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