I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
