opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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