Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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