so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
