dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
