Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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