mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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