I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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