I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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