My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
