I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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