Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
