I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
