I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
