He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
