Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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