Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
