I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
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I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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