guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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