dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
