I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
