After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
