i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
