we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
