It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
