tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
