I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
