walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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