I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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