Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
