My liver just broke up with me...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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