if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
