you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
