I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want nice things and good sex
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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