so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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