I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
