If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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