then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
