Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize