It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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