She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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