I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
