You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
