Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
