It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
