It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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