Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
