I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
