I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
