i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
