Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
