i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
