maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
