I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
